Tonight, after living together for over 2 1/2 years, I learned something new about my boyfriend, Tommy. While we were driving home from dinner, I learned that he is fiercely anti-koala bears. His hatred is unfounded. Unless you've personally been mauled by a koala, how could you hate a creature this cute?
"Once I realized they were fucking drug addicts," Tommy explained, "I was totally anti-koala!" My boyfriend explained to me that koalas only eat eucalyptus leaves, which he stated are addictive. "If they don't have eucalyptus, they don't eat. Koalas are vicious because they're always in withdrawal."
I taken aback by the degree of disgust evident in his voice. "Wow. You're really passing judgment," I observed. I pulled out a pen and paper and started recording our conversation for this blog. "You hate koalas!"
"I do!" he replied, emphatically. "You hear people saying, 'Aww, I want a baby koala,' but they don't know koalas are vicious drug addicts!"
"Baby koalas are cute!" (Another keen observation on my part.)
"Anyway, koalas are fucking drug addicts. That's all. That's my point. That's why they have such a nasty disposition. Oh, you know what else?! The hippopotamus! It has the same koala issue." Tommy saw that I was fervently writing down what he had just said. He added, uncertainly, "Don't quote me on the hippo."
When we got home I decided to see whether this "koala issue" was even true. I have Google set to auto suggest; as I begin typing in a search, Google shows related suggestions based on other users' common searches. Here's an actual screen shot I took of the result:
Um... "koalas for sale" and "koalas chlamydia"? I'm not quite sure what to say.
but but but, I <3 koalas, i mean no one is perfect right?
ReplyDeleteChlamydia is a common issue for them! Weird but true.
ReplyDeleteAnd they do spend a lot of time sleeping, but they're not really drug addicts. It's just that the leaves are really poor diet and takes a lot for them to digest and get nutrients from them, cos they're very high in toxins.