So, my mom has this friend...

Disclaimer to all of my future employers and New York University, to which I intend to apply for graduate school: If you must read this, please consider my exquisite command of the English language and not the content of this story. Thank you.

One of my mom's friends just told me a hilarious, mortifying story! I have a headache from laughing so hard. Unfortunately, I cannot adequately capture the hilarity of this story with written words, so you'll have to use your brilliant imagination to supplement what I've written.

My mom's friend was at work and felt the sudden urge to use the restroom. (Maybe this friend had eaten one too many prunes or maybe her intestines were just feeling vengeful that day. Who knows?) She fought valiantly to contain her bowels as she hop-skipped to the restroom. Unfortunately, her heroic efforts were in vain. Yes, the unthinkable happened...inside her underwear...and down her legs. With new found determination, she quickened her step and at last made it to her safe haven, the restroom. She rushed into a stall, closed the door, and analyzed the situation. There was no hope for her panties; they were dead on arrival. She threw them in the garbage. Next, she assessed her pants. They would definitely survive, but they were in critical condition and in need of immediate treatment. She had to wash them.

Picture this: She had to leave the privacy of her stall without underwear, holding her pants in her hands. She spot-scrubbed her pants in the sink, praying no one would walk in, for her own sake and theirs. Afterward, she returned to the stall to don her wet pants. Before returning to the workplace, she put her jacket on to cover the circle of wetness on the back of her pants. She warded off people's questions. "I'm cold!" she lied. She periodically touched the back of her pants to monitor the drying process. A pharmacist caught her! "Why do you keep touching your butt?!" he asked her, laughing.

Thankfully, my mom's friend has a good sense of humor. She was able to laugh about this later.

By the way, the friend in this story is not me. If this had happened to me, I would absolutely tell you. You see, I have no shame.